


The Beginning is the End is the Beginning

by FlukeOfFate



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: Thrawn - Timothy Zahn
Genre: Anal Sex, Canon Compliant, Eventual Smut, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Sex, i can't believe thranto will be my first smut fic, title taken from the smashing pumpkins song
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-11
Updated: 2017-06-11
Packaged: 2018-11-12 18:43:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11167812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FlukeOfFate/pseuds/FlukeOfFate
Summary: After Batonn, Grand Admiral Thrawn has a decision to make.My take on how the Thrawn novel ended, with fluff and angst.





	The Beginning is the End is the Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> Holy shit I'm writing a fic. This hasn't happened in about....two years-ish? It's multi-chapter but won't be overly long, so I'm sure I will finish it eventually. My life is very busy right now and I have no guaranteed update schedule. 
> 
> There will be sexy times, as noted in the tags. More tags to come. If that bothers you, see yourself out.
> 
> POV changes are marked by horizontal lines. I tried to (poorly) imitate Timothy Zahn's method of swapping between Thrawn and Eli's perspectives, so you will see terms of address shift as needed. 
> 
> No Beta. The mistakes are all me.

**The Beginning is the End is the Beginning**

**Chapter 1**

* * *

 

  
“…I’m quite content to be your aide, Admiral. It’s where I’m supposed to be.”  
  
_Is it?_  
  
“Perhaps,” Thrawn said. “Perhaps not.”  
  
“Sir?”  
  
“It’s nothing, Commander,” Thrawn said. “I shall see you later. Do share your ground reports with me once you have them prepared.”  
  
Vanto nodded. “Yes sir,” he said, before taking his leave.  
  
Thrawn stood alone in the conference room for a while longer, releasing a sigh.  He had a decision to make.

 

* * *

  
Eli did not know why Admiral—no, _Grand Admiral_ —Thrawn had called him to his personal quarters instead of his office to deliver his final report on Batonn, nor why he had called him so late into the cycle.  Eli didn’t bother to give it much thought.  Thrawn did nothing without good reason, and he would only learn the reason for this meeting if Thrawn chose to reveal it.  
  
Eli didn’t look forward to answering any questions or odd looks on the bridge when the early shift began.  
  
Members of the crew often asked Eli about their commanding officer’s behaviors, expecting that in the last 15 years Eli had developed some sort of mental connection with the alien.  Eli could only smile ruefully at his fellow officers and insist that he had never truly understood Thrawn, and he wasn’t sure anyone ever could.  Commander Farro in particular was reluctant to accept that answer, always pointing out that his insights about the Admiral and his plans were far greater that Eli would ever believe.  
  
More people whispered about Eli being Thrawn’s confidant, painting him as the person one must go through before garnering Thrawn’s attention.  It was a foolish idea.  Thrawn was not so inaccessible.  Thrawn spoke to whom he wished, when he wished.  Eli held no sway over that. To say so insinuated that their relationship was less than professional, and while they might be a bit closer than typical for their ranks, Eli was still only his aide.  
  
Aides always knew a bit more than most about their bosses.  They learned the little things: how a person took their tea, their tastes in music and art (especially art, in Thrawn’s case), or their sense of humor, if they had one.  Many would say Thrawn did not, but they did not know him so well as Eli.  Eli reflected on Thrawn’s capacity for amusement.  He did not laugh often, but it was pleasant to hear, usually occurring right after Eli made some wry assessment of a political sycophant or a self-important bureaucrat.    
  
Okay, maybe he had to admit there was a bit of merit to the crew’s assumptions, but it was grossly exaggerated in Eli’s opinion.  Anyone could learn the same things about Thrawn if they had served with him long enough.    
  
_I’m not special._  
  
That thought was accompanied by a swell of bitterness which Eli fought to quash.  Fifteen years or not, he was still replaceable.  And…  
  
_“Perhaps not.”_  
  
Eli ’s mind wandered back to their conversation after the Batonn incident.  It had been replaying in his mind periodically, stirring up question after question.  What had Thrawn meant?  Did he want Eli gone?  
  
What they had wasn’t special.  They weren’t close.  They weren’t.  Not really.  Eli repeated it to himself as he walked the long corridors of the _Chimaera_. Eli was assigned to Thrawn and Thrawn was Eli’s commanding officer.  Nothing more.  
  
_And that is fine.  It’s how it should be._  
  
So why did Thrawn’s words cause him so much anxiety?  Eli blatantly expressed a desire to be assigned elsewhere early in their career.  It wasn’t until Eli had made the rank of Lieutenant Commander that he even began to consider his assignment to Thrawn as a blessing and not a curse.  But really, it hadn’t been so bad before then, had it?  
  
Eli could divide his life into two parts: ‘Before Thrawn’ and ‘After Thrawn’.  Before Thrawn, Eli’s life was simple.  He had goals.  He knew where he was going.  After Thrawn, all those plans went out the air lock, and uncertainty had become his new normal.  Eventually, it became comfortable, as long as Thrawn was there to guide him.  Now Eli felt like he belonged with Thrawn.  More, Eli had finally realized how much he actually loved being at his side.  He knew that despite the irritations and the struggles, those fifteen years had been the best times of his life.  He wouldn’t give them up for anything.  
  
Did Thrawn feel the same?  Eli couldn’t say for certain.  He couldn’t help but feel like something was about to change, and as always, Eli was not in control.  
  
Eli reached Thrawn’s quarters.  He took a deep breath, did his his best to dispel his worries on the exhale, and knocked.  


* * *

  
Thrawn rarely confronted a problem that logic could not solve.  Logically, the answer to his problem was clear.  
  
Even more rarely was Thrawn faced with a problem that was complicated by emotional ties.  Now such a problem had presented itself.  
  
He had tried to avoid it.  He had tried to put it off. He had tried to find alternatives.  It had all come down to one solution.  
  
The obvious solution.  
  
The only solution.  
  
Thrawn did not consider himself to be a person ruled by sentiment.  He prided himself on his ability to observe and detect such behavior in others.  It served him well over the years.  And Thrawn would continue to conduct himself accordingly, because to do otherwise would compromise himself, his people, and his loyalties.    
  
He would.  
  
Thrawn had spend the majority of the last week convincing himself that he was ready, that he could let go.  All he had to do take the next step.  It was the next domino in this pattern of events which all began the day he left the Chiss Ascendancy.  He could no longer hold it in place.  He had to let it fall.  
  
It was with great apprehension that Thrawn answered the door.  
  
“Commander Vanto,” Thrawn said. “Please, enter.”  
  
Vanto stepped inside, handing Thrawn a datapad. “I’ve brought the report like you ordered, sir.” _His gaze wanders about the space. His eyes widen. He is impressed by what he sees._  
  
“Wow,” Vanto said. “I guess ‘grand’ applies to the rooms as well as the title.” _His mouth is drawn into a tense smile. He is nervous._  
  
Thrawn didn’t respond immediately. Vanto shifted uncomfortably.  
  
“Yes, these quarters are rather extravagant,” Thrawn agreed.  “Unnecessary, really.  There is little I can accomplish here that cannot be done in my office.”  
  
“Yeah, I suppose that’s true,” Vanto said.  “It must be nice though, having a private space to yourself.” _He nods his head, gesturing at the nearest wall._ “I see you’ve already taken to decorating.”  
  
Vanto referred to the relief sculpture hanging over the sofa. “It doesn’t look like the standard Imperial decor.”  
  
Thrawn nodded. “You’ve become very observant. You are correct. It is from my personal collection.”  
  
“I haven’t seen this one before, sir,” Vanto said.  “Is it a recent purchase?”  
  
“Yes. I acquired it on Batonn.”  
  
Vanto gives pause. “When you say ‘acquired’…”  
  
Thrawn lets out a quiet puff of air that barely qualifies as a laugh. “I did not pillage it, if that is what you mean. I purchased it with Imperial credits, like I do all my personal belongings. However, I cannot vouch for the seller.”  _Vanto’s smile widens into something more relaxed and sincere._  
  
He would miss that smile.  
  
“Please, make yourself comfortable,” Thrawn said.  As Vanto took a seat on the couch, he retrieved two glasses and a decanter filled with a light golden liquor from a small cooling unit.  Thrawn placed them on the small table in front of Commander Vanto, then took the seat opposite him.  
  
Vanto eyed the beverage with curiosity. “Brandy?”  
  
“Corellian Reserve, actually,” Thrawn said.  
  
Vanto let out a low whistle. “Fancy,” he said. “How did you manage that?”  
  
“A young senator on Coruscant thought it a fitting gift for a ‘Hero of the Empire’.  Her words, not mine,” Thrawn said.  “She mentioned something about having personal ties to Batonn, and that is was a thank you for a job well done.”  
  
“And you accepted,” Vanto said.  
  
“It would have been rude not to.”  
“Whoever she was, she’s going to expect a favor in the future.  Nobody on Coruscant gives anything for free.”  
  
“As you have well taught me,” Thrawn said.  
  
Vanto looked thoughtfully at the liquid.  “I hope you had it tested for poison.”  
  
“Very good,” Thrawn said.    
  
“What is, sir?” Vanto asked.  
  
“You’ve become quite perceptive,” Thrawn said. “I had the original bottle tested before I left the planet. The bottle’s seal had been altered.  Had I tried to open it with a traditional corkscrew, it was rigged to react to a pellet imbedded inside the neck.  It would have exploded. Not a large explosion, but one meant to create a toxic gas when mixed with he brandy.  The gas would have killed quickly and dissipated before anyone could guess what had happened.  It might have been a perfect crime.”  _The color drains from the Commander’s face._  
  
“I see,” Vanto said.  
  
Thrawn gave Vanto an appreciative look.  “I’m pleased to see you would not have fallen for such a trick yourself.  Do not worry.  The pellet was successfully extracted and I notified Colonel Yularen, who sent an ISB agent to deal with the would be assassin swiftly.” Thrawn poured their glasses.  “Fortunately, the alcohol remains untainted.  It would have been a shame to throw it away.”  
  
“Yeah, well, it’d have been a bigger shame to lose you, sir.”  _His voice is sincere. His face is tense with concern. He clutches the glass tightly._ “To not being dead then.”  
  
“Yes,” Thrawn said, raising his own glass, smiling slightly.  “To not being dead.”  
  
They both drank, Commander Vanto perhaps sipping too deeply for so fine a vintage while Thrawn savored a smaller taste.  Vanto placed his glass back upon the table.  
  
“May I ask what I’m doing here, sir?”  
  
“What do you mean?” Thrawn asked.  
  
“For one, you haven’t even looked at that data pad I handed you.  You aren’t interested in my report.  And I don’t think you asked me here just to share a drink either.  So what am I doing here?” Vanto asked again.  
  
Thrawn said nothing, but he locked gazes with Vanto as he considered his next move.  After several long seconds, Thrawn reached up and removed his Grand Admiral’s insignia.  
  
“This conversation is off the record,” Thrawn said.  “I do not speak to you now as a Grand Admiral of the Empire and you are not under my orders.”  _Vanto is curious, but concerned._ “It is imperative that this discussion remains confidential.”


End file.
